The “F” Word
Yesterday morning my phone rang…
On the other end one of our men from church said,
"Hey, Preacher... that message you preached from Luke 15 hit me right in the mouth. I've been thinking about it ever since. You know, the father didn't sit on the porch waiting for the son to crawl all the way home and beg before he showed him any kindness. When he saw him coming down the road, he ran to him. He didn't pick up rocks to throw at him. He didn't stand there rehearsing every wrong he'd done. He was more willing to forgive than the son was willing to ask."
Then he said something that has been echoing in my heart ever since.
"Christ has never treated me the way I treat other people when I’ve done wrong."
I wish I could tell you I immediately answered...
I didn't… because I couldn’t.
His words hit me right in the mouth, because they exposed something in me. Forgiveness is one of those subjects that's easy to preach and incredibly difficult to practice.
At least it is for me.
Most Of Us Have Our Own Version Of Forgiveness
"I'll forgive... but I'll never forget."
"I'll forgive if they come apologize."
"I'll forgive when they admit they were wrong."
"I'll forgive... eventually."
We have a remarkable ability to baptize our bitterness with spiritual language, protect our pride, and convince ourselves we're still being biblical.
The problem is... Jesus never gave me those options.
He simply said, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14–15)
That’s not hard to understand… it is hard to swallow.
Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive someone. Seven? That sounded generous enough. Jesus answered, "Seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21–22).
Not because He wanted us to keep count, but because forgiveness isn't supposed to have a limit.
Honestly... Jesus makes it uncomfortably unavoidable.
If that isn't enough, Jesus hangs on a cross between two criminals, His back shredded, His brow bleeding, nails through His hands and feet, and prays, "Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34)
If anyone had the right to hold a grudge, it was Jesus. Instead, He offered forgiveness while blood was still flowing and pain was still fresh.
Paul doesn't let me off the hook either.
He writes, "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)
Notice the model.
Not, "Forgive like they deserve."
Not, "Forgive when it's convenient."
Not, "Forgive when they earn it."
Forgive as Christ forgave you.
That's where my excuses begin to fall apart.
The New Testament Speaks About Forgiveness In Three Ways
We Are Commanded To Forgive
Colossians 3:13 - "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."
Forgiveness is not optional for followers of Christ or a suggestion for the spiritually mature. It is a command given to every believer.
This is where forgiveness becomes difficult. Conditions are not placed on the command based on how deeply we were hurt, how long ago it happened, or whether the other person deserves it.
Sometimes forgiveness is immediate.
Sometimes it is easy.
Sometimes it is a battle fought every morning for weeks.
Sometimes you have to forgive the same wound again because the pain keeps returning.
Sometimes you have to stand in front of a grave and forgive someone who’s hurt outlived them.
Forgiveness is more than a moment. Most of the time, it is a continual surrender of our heart to Christ.
The command is clear… Matthew 6:14–15, Matthew 18:21–22, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:37, Luke 17:3–4, Ephesians 4:32,
Forgive.
We Are Commanded To Seek Forgiveness
Pride keeps relationships broken, while humility will move toward reconciliation.
Jesus said that if we are bringing our gift to the altar and remember our brother has something against us, we are to leave our gift, go, be reconciled, and then return to worship (Matthew 5:23–24).
Think about the weight of that... Jesus says reconciliation is so important that we cannot ignore broken relationships while going through religious motions.
God cares about how His children treat one another.
Jesus doesn’t even give me the option of spiritualizing my pettiness by saying, "Wait until they come to you."
He commands us to take the first step.
My pride does not want to pursue peace. I don’t want to admit wrong. I don't want to be the one who tries to fix what someone else broke. My flesh says, "If they have a problem with me, they need to come to me."
Which brings me to the question we have to answer…
Why would Jesus command something so difficult?
God Forgives Us Through Christ
Forgiveness does not begin with what others have done to us. It begins with what God has done for us.
There is no wrong we have ever experienced that compares to the offense of our sin against a holy God. Our sin is not a mistake or a weakness; it is rebellion against the One who created us and deserves our worship.
The Gospel is not the good news that God overlooked our sin. He doesn’t overlook sin. It must be dealt with.
He dealt with it.
The holy justice of God demanded that sin be judged, but the holy mercy of God provided a Savior. At the cross, God’s justice and mercy met in perfect holiness.
Jesus absorbed the wrath our sins deserved so that we could receive forgiveness.
Paul writes, "God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)
He did not wait for us to clean ourselves up.
He did not wait for us to deserve forgiveness.
He came running toward rebels.
That’s the Gospel!
The Father can embrace sinners like us because our forgiveness was purchased by Christ on the Cross.
When I begin to understand the weight of my sin, I can begin to understand the depth of His forgiveness.
That changes how I treat people who have hurt me.
A heart that has truly experienced the forgiveness of Christ cannot be comfortable holding on to bitterness.
It doesn’t make forgiveness easy, but it does make it possible.
Get Off The Porch And Run
As I wrestled with this, I realized how many days, weeks, months, and sometimes years I’ve spent examining the people who have hurt me, betrayed me, wounded me, and left scars.
I had to stop.
I stopped asking God to fix them. I asked Him to examine me.
Sometimes the greatest barrier to forgiveness is not the person who hurt us. It is the pride, bitterness, and pain that we have allowed to take root inside our own heart.
I have asked myself…
Am I waiting for someone to crawl back?
Am I waiting for someone to prove they’re sorry?
Am I rehearsing old wounds?
Am I really wanting someone to prove their worth?
That statement keeps coming back to me…
"Christ has never treated me the way I treat other people when I’ve done wrong."
That sentence may be one of the hardest sermons I've ever heard.
It didn’t come from a pulpit, a commentary, or a podcast, but a church member… a brother in Christ who’s struggling himself.
Christ didn’t stand at a distance with crossed arms, demanding that I make myself worthy before He came near. He didn’t throw stones. He comes to me!
If Christ ran toward me with mercy, how can I continue standing on the porch refusing to run toward others?
There are some people I need to forgive, and some I need to ask forgiveness from.
When bitterness starts to feel normal, the answer is not found by holding tighter to the wound, but by looking again at the cross.
Those of us who love Grace, ought to have some.
Don’t just receive it, extend it.
Every one of us is standing somewhere in Luke 15. Some of us are still in the far country. Some of us are standing outside with the older brother. Too many of us are sitting on the porch, arms crossed, waiting for someone else to make the first move.
The Father never stayed on the porch. He ran. Not because the son deserved it. He ran because that's who the Father is.
He looks. He moves. He runs.
So should we.